Why Friendship Breakups Are More Devastating Than Romantic Ones
If you unconsciously scroll twitter One night, I saw a tweet that resonated with me.after being with me friend In just a few hours or so, life feels worthwhile again.
seen by someone outside romantic relationship It’s priceless and a reminder that soulmates aren’t just limited to romance.
And like romance, sometimes it comes broken heart and split. When a friendship ends, I often wonder what went wrong and how I can fix it.
No, broken friendships are not for the faint of heart. Over the last year, I’ve dealt with several things at the same time, and it’s been one of the most painful experiences of my life.
Breaking up with friends is very common, but it was only recently that we realized the impact they have on us.
We know how to deal with romantic heartbreak. We eat ice cream, we cry, we listen to sad music, we lament what we never will. Slowly but surely we grieve and move on.
But when a friendship ends, we really don’t know what to do or who to turn to.
Counseling Directory member Jennifer Warwick believes that friendship breakups can be more painful than romantic breakups.
“We see and hear stories about the beginning and end of romantic relationships, but we don’t usually see much about how friends come together and break up,” says Warwick.
She continues: “This could mean that it’s something we don’t think about and are not prepared for when it happens.
“Friendships grow over time. Our friends are integral to our identity and our sense of who we are. When a relationship ends, it can cause a lot of grief and pain.”
Plus, once the friendship ends, you may wonder what it says about us as friends.
“Friendships may come to an end because you’ve fallen apart. This can be very difficult to deal with because no single event caused the friendship to end,” Warwick said. explains.
“Maybe life is gradual and you are doing different things in different places. maybe.
“It can feel devastating, especially for someone you’ve been friends with for a long time. If it was a friendship that was formed during a difficult time in your life, the end of the friendship will also bring back those feelings of that time.” can do.
As you know, the pandemic has been difficult and has affected many areas of our lives including our friendships.
Kim Saka, 33, from Michigan, believes the pandemic is the underlying reason why the dynamics of her 18-year friendship group have changed.
“We were at Zoom parties and stuff for a while, but by the end of 2020, my friends wanted to play unmasked every weekend as a big group (there were vaccines available at the time). I could not do it).”
Kim and her now-husband weren’t happy socializing outside the home at that point and slowly began to move away from the group.”
“I started to turn inward and isolate myself and was very depressed. Months went by without any contact from these people who insisted on hanging out every week.
“When the issue was brought up, things got worse and I felt like I was in exile because I was away because of what was going on in my life.
Kim coped with the breakup by spending more time with herself while also attending therapy.
Samantha*, a 25-year-old accountant from Devon, is going through a friendship breakdown with one of her oldest and closest friends.
The pair attended junior high school together, quickly became inseparable, and were good friends until recently. It became clear,” says Samantha.
“She likes to go out every weekend, but I only go out once or twice a month. I dabble in drinking less, but she understands my cold curiosity. I have not.”
“In many cases, if an individual communicates and can explain, ‘My choices do not threaten your choices,’ they will say, ‘You can live now, you want to live, or vice versa.’ ‘But if that is incompatible, then the expectation of friendship should be ‘shift’. “
She describes her friend as a very fiery person.
“I had a very candid conversation with her about ‘our relationship is not sustainable as it is’ and how we would like to change that to make it lasting and healthy. I did,” says Samantha.
She thought her behavior would stop, but after another blast, Samantha began to distance herself.
She added: “Friendship breakups are hard because you often identify with your closest friends. They are part of you.”
“They’ve seen you through different seasons of your life and helped you through situations you couldn’t handle alone. But growing up means understanding that things change.” – we all grow and change – and some people don’t grow in the same way.”
As you get older and in your late twenties, you begin to experience changes in your friendships. We may still bring in friends from school and college and work together into our late twenties and early thirties, but we are no longer the same people.
“By your late 20s, you are more likely to start thinking about settling down with a partner or starting a family. ” says Warwick.
“You’ll find your friendships drifting. You may still be doing the same thing, but you’re spending more time with your partner, your partner’s friends, or your new job.”
Ending a friendship is heartbreaking and we must remind ourselves that our feelings are valid. When you’re friends with someone, you feel like you’re missing a part of who you are or who you were when you were together,” says Warwick.
You’ll probably miss the laughs you had, the way they were there for you, and it’s okay to grieve about it. It’s a loss, so you can take some time to grieve it, but know that things will get better and you’ll get over it.
Remember that the pain you are going through will go away and you will eventually meet and make new friendships.
That’s the question of friendship. We are always in a situation where we meet new people whenever we have people around, and there is an opportunity to go out and make connections with people who could be really good friends.