Kids may say the dumbest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways.Rounding up the hilarious quips each week parents Spread the joy on Twitter.
Scroll down to read the latest batches.
Me: Good night, sweetheart. You are so strong, brave and beautiful.
6. Soliloquy: It’s all true.
— Marisa 💚💛 (@michimama75) March 15, 2023
Me: It’s time to get dressed for school
Age 3: Okay. Something has to be done first.something: pic.twitter.com/0BKHdJENXA
— Paul Palmeri (@ThisPaul) March 15, 2023
It’s funny to think about how much I limit sugar in my kids’ diets when Kool-Aid was my lifeblood
— That mamato (@mom_tho) March 11, 2023
"Today is PI DAY and we are supposed to bring pies to class." My 8yo announces as I’m about to walk out the door late for school.
no.
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) March 14, 2023
My wife banned my kids iPads so my sweet angels stood in the hallway and whispered thinking I couldn’t hear them.
— My Life as a Dad (@milifeasdad) March 13, 2023
why are you a child pic.twitter.com/T1dKdIyEv3
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) March 16, 2023
If you ask me if my twins were born, I would say they are not robots.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) March 15, 2023
Mrs: [practicing “Cat’s in the Cradle” on guitar]
Son: Hey Dad-
Ms: not now
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 16, 2023
My 7 year old saw a snowfall and said, snow is just cloud poop
I can never make a snow angel again
— Vinod Chaproo (@Chhapiness) March 16, 2023
I love my in-laws, but sometimes it’s difficult because of the language barrier.
— I hide from my kids (@IHideFromMyKids) March 15, 2023
My child asked if I noticed anything different about them. When I said no, they were appalled by my answer. Apparently, I didn’t realize I could be talking to a clone of them.
— Jacana Mama (@jacanamommy) March 17, 2023
Tonight we had an 8-year-old play a banker in electronic Monopoly. She accidentally sent her $250 million instead of $250,000. She was laughing like crazy when the error was discovered. She may need to work on this.
— Nurse Kelsey (she/her) 🌈✨🎉❤️🏳️🌈 (@nursekelsey) March 15, 2023
The other day I was driving and I heard my daughter whispering, “Mommy, keep your eyes on me,” so I became very anxious and looked at the car next to me.
it was a dog The dog was staring at me.
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) March 14, 2023
My daughter announced yesterday that she wants to be a demon when she dies “because she loves her job.”
— Mama Mama Mama Mama Mama (@notmythirdrodeo) March 10, 2023
My 5 year old asked if I was allowed to get a tattoo at the St. Patrick’s Day daycare.
— Kevin the Dad (@kevinthedad) March 14, 2023
Sometimes I look at my 13 year old daughter and marvel at how smart she is and how beautiful she has become and how after 10 hours of sleep I can wake up without having to go to the bathroom immediately and pee .
—SpacedMom (@copymama) March 13, 2023
I told my kids to go to bed, so they naturally play musicals.
— Jesse (@mommajessiec) March 14, 2023
my kid told me he needs to take 120 or something to school tomorrow so his choice is cheerio or my tears
— Megan (@deloisivete) March 16, 2023
Things to Wait Until Grandma Comes Before Kids Say:
9yo : Chickens make sounds and should be called crows…and some of them are mothers so they can be called mothers-
Me: No!
— Flyney ☕️🌷 (@dimplesticks) March 13, 2023
"Ugh, what’s that awful smell?!" My 6 year old screams when she walks into the kitchen.
my cooking. The smell was my cooking.
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) March 15, 2023
I’m in that magical stage of parenting where I don’t have to change diapers or carry baby items, but I don’t have to deal with teenage issues just yet. am i here
— That mamato (@mom_tho) March 13, 2023
Me: You were going to clean your room today.
Daughter: My body wouldn’t allow it.— McDad (@mcdadstuff) March 12, 2023
During my daughter’s seven years on this planet, she found out we thought we’d celebrate this man in St. Louis.Patrick’s Day pic.twitter.com/UmK4yNtoW0
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) March 17, 2023
Our ex-nanny is pregnant and I’m happy for her, but I’m relieved my kids didn’t ruin her desire to be a parent.
— Real life mom (@reallifemommy3) March 12, 2023
